How old are your kids and how long have you lived in Weston? We’ve been Westonites for 20 years and our kids are 22, 21, 17 and 10.
How did you end up where you are now in terms of your job, or whatever passion project it is you might be doing? I have no idea and I’m happy to say it has never been a color-by-numbers journey. I started off living in a car for nearly two years (which is perhaps why I’ve always tried to limit my “rearview mirror” time.) But from that cramped Sentra to recording studios to boardrooms, my obsession has always had a four corner approach: music, new media, storytelling and advocacy. While these pillars don’t really change, I think how and where I apply them is the adventure. Sometimes writing songs, sometimes producing or managing talent, investing in ideas or brands or tech…Lately, developing TV shows. Most recently, my high school classmate from Philly, Shawn Stockman of BOYZ II MEN, and I started a Americana soul duo called CHOSEN FAMILY. We bonded over being autism dads and will release the album this Summer on Green Hill/Virgin Records. You can hear us on SiriusXM’s The Coffee House and we are thinking we might do a show at LaChat Town Farm in the Fall; it’s been amazing.
Photo Credit: Spencer Heyfron
What has been the hardest thing about raising kids and working full time with long hours? Definitely travel. A lot of jet lag and red eye flights were the norm until Covid happened and I realized just how taxing the travel could get. And there is no way I could have such a successful career in music without my wife Gena’s indefatigable ability to navigate the diverse needs of all four of our kids, especially when I am on the road.
What is your favorite family activity to do in Westport or the surrounding towns? A chill day at Compo Beach followed by dinner at Sakura.
What was your most memorable family vacation and why? When the pandemic hit we were all thrown by it, but there were a lot of hidden casualties during quarantine. Zoom meetings and online school were tough for typical families, but for people with disabilities—like our oldest son, who’s profoundly autistic—it was a different trauma. An entire support system vanished overnight: a tailored curriculum, therapies, after-school programs—disappeared. For him we imagine it was kind of like a blind person suddenly losing their seeing-eye dog. People like our guy rely on structure and consistency, and when that disappeared, the stress on him—and on us—was intense. A long winter made everything worse and because he is an outdoorsy kid, his cabin fever became really hard to manage. After barely making it through that first winter, we knew something had to give. One of my oldest friends had raised her family in Jamaica and suggested we go. So we did. And it was honestly one of the best decisions we ever made. I can’t say enough about Jamaica. The weather, the therapy of reggae music, the barefoot beachy life; it made post zoom time incredible. But it was experiencing the loving way Jamaican people embraced our son that we’d never seen before. What started as a vacation… almost turned into a staycation.
What is your proudest moment as a father? There is not enough digital ink for this one….We’re a special needs family, and while I’d love to post a spreadsheet of proud moments, most of my pride shows up in less traditional ways. Like when we’re navigating a public space—an airport, a mall—and our oldest son makes noises or struggles with sensory overload, people can stare, complain, or say offensive things. And even when I know it’s not easy, I see the steely resolve rise up in our other kids and I’m proud of their quiet bravery and loving solidarity. Be kind out there, people.
But this month, I’m especially proud of my oldest daughter, Lulu, who is graduating as Valedictorian from Weston High School.
Who are two of your favorite up and coming musicians/artists? I’ll pick two very “exotic” hybrids: One is an independent Mexicali Hip Hop artist named Obed Padilla. I got to work with him and his music is so fresh. Think Carlos Santana meets Spoken Word 90s hip hop with hot sauce and low riders. The guy is so dope. And the other is BLKBOK who is a neo-classical pianist who has played with Justin Timberlake, John Mayer and Rihanna but, during Covid, starting composing classical pieces that reflect American culture from his perspective.
What’s your favorite sport to play and/or watch? And/or what’s your workout of choice? I’m from Philly and an obsessed Eagles football fan who proudly helps coach my youngest daughter’s flag football team in Wilton. I work out 5 days a week and pepper my regimen with Peloton, Ruksak hiking (30lb vest), weight lifting, the heavy bag and prayer (daily).
What’s your favorite restaurant in town for a family dinner? Friends? Family dinner for me is, hands down, Gabriel’s. (For birthdays: epic!) But we love The Cottage, The Whelk, Oko, Don Memo, Granola Bar, Casa Me, Sushi Jin and if you can make it home from Pop Up Bagels without a doughy nugget in your teeth, Godspeed.
What is one thing people would be surprised to know about you? I believe UFOs are real. Perhaps we are the zoo and they are tourists looking in.
If you had 24 hours to do whatever you wanted- what would you do? I think Gena would say I already do that.
What is your greatest regret? I rushed through school. I graduated high school and college in 6 years but it wasn’t because I was bright but because I wouldn’t have been able to afford it on my own unless I did it that way. I really want my kids to enjoy their college years and follow their curiosity without rushing.
What’s your drink of choice? Vodka on the rocks with 4 olives.
What is the one thing Gena does that you are eternally grateful for? She is truly the coolest person I have ever met in my life—cooler than any celebrity or public figure—and she gives a daily masterclass on low-key confidence without even realizing it.
What is one piece of advice you would pass along to other dads OR what do you wish you could tell your younger self about being a father? I know it’s supposed to be, “Breathe” or “It will be okay” or “Have faith…” But it’s not that. Being a father is the greatest privilege of your life. Show up. If your parents weren’t so great, so what; don’t do a repeat performance. And most of all, don’t force your kids to define their happiness through “your brand” filter; it’s not about you. When whatever they are passionate about shows credibility (ie sports, music, math, science, astronomy), embrace it and advocate for whatever joy they’ve found because we all know it can be a very dark world. In Westport/Weston, there’s no shortage of privileged people who have tried to buy happiness and feel betrayed when they can’t. So if your kids are lucky enough to find their happy, shut up and be grateful. Don’t spit on happy, because happy neglected spits back. Pray your kid is an original who smiles and feels loved and accepted… And, yeah, don’t fuck it up.
QUICK THIS OR THAT?
- At a movie: Candy or Popcorn? Popcorn
- Cook or order in? Depends on who’s cooking! If it’s me? Order in!
- Cologne or no cologne? Chanel for Men (one light spray)
- Scotch or tequila? Tequila
- Coffee or protein shake? Coffee is a working musician’s oxygen before noon.
- NBA or college basketball? NFL
- Puzzle or Board Game? Puzzle
- Reading or writing? Both – can’t do one without the other.
- Before bed: Social media or book/TV? Podcast.
- Watch or play sports? Watch football. Play tennis.
- Stay in or go out? Go out.
- Comedy or drama? Dramedy, really.
Photo Credit: Stephanie Ellis Humphrey